Saturday, January 14, 2012

Untitled


Are you upset about something? Or rather, pre-occupied with something?


Huh?


I thought a question elicits an answer, and not a “Huh”


Ummm sort of..


OK


Pre occupied


And something that keeps you pre-occupied disturbs you as well, upsets you as well?


Yes it does…very disturbing


I understand...How do you think are you faring on this front...coping with this difficult thought?


Nothing is helping…talking about it will not help…neither will asking why…


I think silence is the only refuge then


But I cannot help wondering…it's unusual I look so calm…and 
I have a hurricane of thoughts in my head...


I would still say that nothing is unusual...had it been nothing and still the hint of a storm in your head, I would have called it unusual for you…but if there are thoughts, they are basically emotions swirling up there


They are...so many of them...and I am not able to sort them out as well..


I do not know in what manner things have brewed up, but I am sure you will get over the disturbing time. Would it help, filtering the thoughts...they would still be there, right?


They might stay.. Oh I don't know…you know what I usually do when I'm so confused? I work... It keeps me from going insane


If keeping quiet helps, I would leave it there


Oh no...I wish I could sort things out enough to get your opinion…


I know I am being "wise" for no reason. Yeah...I am sorry


Sorry? Among the two of us, u r definitely the wiser one :-)


Oh no...I meant I am sorry for thrusting my opinion onto you when you are wise enough to sort them out yourself


U don't have to be... Haven't I always welcomed your wisdom? ;)


Ok...you carry on with your thoughts. Indeed...it is a wonderful world!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Sonnet VIII



In the bright of burning candle I see
Your silhouette, in the orange milieu.
And rhyming, dances your hair in the glee
Of being together, in moments so few.


Every moment, ephemeral, though long
Enough for me to cherish, and every
Thought, dying on me, as I sail along,
Flickering, somewhere in a reverie.


Thoughtless, though, the candle dies and wearied
Does the night whiff out, I still keep searching
Moments of wealth, an hour isolated
And think of times, of endless believing


Ah! then the charming dusk draws to a close,
Smiling, I live in the joy that life throws.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Why this fuss?



I am certain I already have given an overdose of the city and myself, or my workplace, to complete the trio. But for someone who does not like drinking, does not like watching movies in the theaters, does not like fooling around with strangers or allegedly, does not like hanging out with friends, there is not much left to talk about. I do not meet people (I thus give you an excuse to start complaining), have lost my keen, observing eye, lost my stories and lost my aplomb. Things change. For good? I am not dwelling on that
_____________________________


So what is this fuss all about?


Ok, what fuss, if there is any?


Can you not see the irrepressible spirit and those persons themselves who have the most colorful life in the city? Man I so envy them. So much shit happens in their lives. Every fresh week is a testimony to their larger-than-life life. I am so awestruck at their flamboyance and so dumbfounded at how in the name of the son of God am I wasting my life.


Do not go bonkers, man! Colorful...what the fuck! Don't tell me about larger-than-life lives. Who are these resplendent (im)mortals and what is this baroque tribe?


No you see dude, I have these people around me...who have so much to talk about...so full of verve and replete with anecdotes...who are all too much concerned about the scale of grey in my colorless life. I am blessed enough to have generous people as my colleagues and friends, who want to go the extra bit and do their part in flashing the reds and blues in an otherwise grey and white canvas that my life has become.


I am afraid...


Shut the heck up! One the one hand, I am getting the golden (does that qualify to be called a color?) chance of enjoying my life, filling colors in my life and breaking the carapace of dullness (ennui?) that enshrouds my personality and on the other hand, you are trying to sow the seeds of doubt...go away and let me break free from the shackles of monotony and thrust into that world magnificent joys.


But...Ok, so what is the reason that they are all too happy and your life is all too cocked-up? I mean, yeah, people have different modi vivendi. Some like colors and others like the ashen grays and the murky whites. So what is the trouble here? What is so big about this colorful thing? Besides, I have been thinking about the reason why they think your life is achromatic, and do not quite get one. Okay, so let me put it this way-color means joy right, or at least celebration of something?


I think so...at least that is what color might symbolize...presence of a certain degree of celebration yeah...this one reminds me of Christmas and the moods. See, the color is all white (it snows, right) but the mood is all pink. Oh! how would they (those demigods of colleagues) be celebrating the holidays and I am squandering my life talking to you about all this.


Excellent! Now, how much do your colleagues know you? I mean how familiar are they with you and your habits?


What do you mean how much they know you? Yeah, we are work place friends...everyday is a rendezvous.


Dude not that way! See, now I am also trying to figure out ways to make my life colorful. So it becomes important for me as well.


Got you. No, wait, gotcha (colorful?) I knew joy is infectious and that colors are hard to contain. So basically, on the outset, we are just workplace friends, but I have immense respect and admiration for them and their lifestyle. I do not hang out with them over the weekends, fine, but only recently have I started realizing how momentous a mistake am I committing by watching stupid (read classic) Amitabh movies on the television instead of flashy, trendy Ladies vs. Rciky Bahl or a Dirty Picture with them; going to insignificant landmarks like the Kala Ghoda or Salim Ali Chowk instead of an up-market restro bar or a pub in the much vaunted suburbs of Bandra or on a birthday celebration of someone as a massive surprise.


Dude, do me a favor, let us just shelve that discussion for sometime now and cerebrate on the color first. On a different note, do you have a color television or a black and white...those of Amitabh's era?


Fuck off!


Ok, so you guys know each other only as much as I know...umm...the woman who sits next to my bay. Gosh! she is so HOT! Only the other day a colleague and I were swooning over her figure and gait. Man! she is one woman! But you see...she (the colleague) told me how unshapely her (the HOT girl's) bottom (read back-side) was and we discussed over that for at least a quarter of our lunch time.


Dude! is this some lecherous, scandalous discussion that we are having or are we talking about colors and my life?


Hey man, listen! I think this is where you fail! This is what a colorful character is all about. Chasing girls, discussing aloud their anatomies with colleagues, ogling at women across the street, having multiple girl friends, boasting about how you are a playboy enough or a Casanova, whichever suits your age and stories, drinking out at the most exquisite binge-stations, preaching the way of life to simpler, uninteresting and colorless so to say, people like you.


Now do not get started again. I know that I have been a moron. Just do not add insult to injury...


What man! I am just trying to figure out what I think is wrong with you.


Buzz off you irksome nuisance. How dare you say something is "wrong" with me? Who are you to ordain what is right and what is wrong for me or with me


Calm down buddy! This is not a time to panic or act like a hate monger. Ok, I admit I have no business decreeing the right and the wrong for you, but that is the whole point, ain't it? Why should you workplace colleagues have an upper hand when it comes to setting canons for your life? On my part, I am just stating something I thought you wanted to listen to.  But again, dude, do you not want colors?


Oh! yeah...colors...yeah...I am sorry you see...these are touchy matters and I tend to get temperamental. Yeah, of course you have a right to judgement.


Dude! Take it easy...Now don't be too harsh on yourself. See when I came from my place to this megapolis, I too was flummoxed by the definitions those are existent here. I remember a conversation with a colleague about a weekend. He asked me how I spent the weekend and I proudly told him that I cooked something for myself. Smirk was all I got. For words, "Have you come to Mumbai to cook?" I realized that life is much more than austerity or simplicity. This is my new avatar, one who knows what a bitch this life is.


Ok, so coming back to colors...
__________________________________

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Freedom



I can begin writing about my idea of Freedom by quoting some of the most famous speeches made by remarkable men, both Indian and otherwise. But that would rob the whole exercise of its purpose, wouldn’t it? Yet, I would do exactly the same, not because I am shorn of ideas or that I do not have any contoured definition for myself, but because I want to trace what has been talked about and juxtapose that with what I think. That way, a long due process of dedicating some time in thinking about a subject that has been the hallmark of the existence humankind can be initiated. I am no scholar, and I do not proclaim that I will produce something momentous, but what I can do is reflect on what defines my being, the rationale of it and the ultimate objective that underlines it.

Of all the recorded exemplars, Lincoln probably was the earliest, and perhaps the most influential architect of the concept of a free land, “a nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.” There might have been many more advocates of freedom before him, and even more philosophical, but what sets Lincoln apart from them is the nature of his campaign. While others might have been fighting for their freedom, the independence of their land, Lincoln was advocating for freedom in a nation already free from foreign rule. Those days, the ghost of slavery was rampant in the States, and being a northerner himself, Lincoln was more vocal than any other political figure in the exorcism of the ghost. What might have freedom meant to him? Was it the same for his fellow Americans? I cannot guess.

The only other example I would like to cite before I go on to my rendition of freedom is that of Gurudev Tagore. While he was arguably the single most intellectual figure in the history of modern India, he was also a freedom fighter within his ambit. I do not belittle the gargantuan contributions of many other Indian freedom fighters, but this is not what we are talking of is it? Freedom, a territory “where the mind is without fear and the head is held high”, was much more than the independence from British rule for Gurudev. Where tireless striving stretches its hands towards perfection and where the stream of reason has not been lost in the dreary desert sand of dead habit, it is that free land where he wants India to awaken.  

When I think of Freedom, suddenly everything starts becoming nebulous. The independence associated with the flight of thoughts suddenly starts getting arrested as I find myself caught in a situation where I have lot of views but am really short of an opinion. One might wonder what the difference is, and that is where it becomes difficult to identify what is a cultivated view and is an original opinion. There is so much of brouhaha, and in such a limited time-frame, that it becomes overkill. Everyone, all of a sudden, has an opinion.  Is it a patriotic feeling? Is it about killing the rampant corruption? Probably…not infringing on the freedom of someone else?

I was walking along the boulevard, thinking about the meaning of freedom, the significance of freedom and went on to ponder on relevance of Independence Day in the modern day context. Unlike most other people, who talk about patriotism and all that blah, what was more vocal in my concerns was the tolerance, and more than that, acceptance of the idea of individuality. When I say freedom, I think I should mean the “swikriti” of my being, not only in my immediate surroundings but also in the proximity on which I do have a direct bearing. I can claim to be a member of a free society and go on to exercise my freedom in plentiful ways, but will that guarantee my acceptance? I am doubtful. I can, likewise, lay a claim to being a free citizen but will that assure me of being treated as one? What happens when I impinge on someone else’s individuality, directly or indirectly? Is there something at all that can be called someone’s individuality? Is freedom trying to break free from all obligations that one feels were a restraint? We can discuss at length about these and many more questions, and that will not establish anything; it will not precipitate anything from the pall that already is.

Gandhi had a very eloquent definition of freedom, or independence, if I may. People say he was free from any fear, that he taught his countrymen to rid all reservations that restricted their thoughts, thereby making simple things complicated. Fair enough. He had his own ways. Does he, by any means, if measured by the methods of achieving his ends, become any greater or any different that many of his contemporaries, Indian or not? No. Many others say he was an industrious schemer. Will that reduce his impact world over? No. The one thing that can make the simple crack in the perception of Gandhi’s and others look like a wider chasm is the acceptance that he has gained in the history of humankind. I am not polar when I say that he can be called one of the most influential and popular political figures of the last century, almost as tall, if not taller that Churchill or JFK. And many today might not like eulogies being written about him, but that fact of the matter is that when we talk about freedom, we inherently talk about Gandhi. Such was his stature and such is his acceptance.

Was Gandhi a free man? I am too diminutive a person to talking stuff of such magnitude, and trying to make sense simultaneously. I am an ordinary person, and like ordinary beings, I have ordinary opinions. What I say of believe is undoubtedly conditioned by what I listen to, what I see and what I am subject to. The emotions that an American has about freedom are visibly different from what I am subject to. Money minded person might think the Laissez-Faire to be the ultimate form of freedom; a patriot might want to see his nation’s flag waving high above in the space of nationhood; a socially ostracized entity might want acceptance; a painter has a different pair of glasses to envision freedom and they all might be different. Agreed. But do I have something that I can say is my idea of freedom? I am afraid.

Allow me to take another step towards understanding freedom and putting it before you. When I see people from different walks of life, engaged in completely disconnected activities, acknowledge a particular code of conduct, without begrudging the necessity or perhaps the need of it, I think I am living in a society where the civic code can be indubitably be called Freedom; when I see cultures intermingled to the extent that the physical divisions seem a mere camouflage to the real congruence that resonates in those cultures, I think I am a part of a free social echelon; when I see conflicting ideologies, and the subsequent disposition to harbor the differences argumentatively, I think I am witnessing a free thought process, “where”, to quote Gurudev, “the words come out from the depth of truth”, and “the world has not been broken down into fragments by narrow domestic walls.”

Now, there is a little skepticism growing in my mind, even as I point out my definitions of freedom. Will these ideas be accepted as illustrations of Freedom? Am I able to talk sanity? Here is where I will conclude. If I am a free man, I have all the time and entitlement to produce my variants, and if I am a part of a free society, the populace will, magnanimously tolerate my catharsis and accept it, even if after a stimulating and provocative discourse. By the virtue of being living beings, we are free to follow any course of action or voice any concern/opinion, but that alone does not vouchsafe a free identity. The collective unconscious of a people that can together represent a level of acceptance for any independently expressed thought, action or deed, will indeed be the hallmark of freedom for me. Freedom is not, and cannot be a product of a fleeting thought, but a companion of an ever present identity.

Signing off
Vivek Sharma

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Settling Down


I got a place to live in. And quite a swanky place that is, let me tell you. For those who are a little too concerned with the details, it is a 2bhk without an expressive toilet and an open, even smaller kitchen. I got a sofa in my kitty, even as I stand to lose a seventh of my salary every month along with the three others I am sharing the flat with. The flipside is that I am not sharing the place with someone I have known well enough. Besides, methinks this joy, the kind that I am feeling after having finalized a place, robs me of the pleasure of enjoying the company of dearer people, and those who helped me put up with this unclean city for one seemingly unending month. You can’t have the best of both worlds, tells a fellow employee, and very rightly. On a second thought, I realized that there is a third angle involved, the one which now has assumed paramount importance: the employment that I have. A recent, random browse over the internet seemed to pull up a fascinating report in which they ranked my employer as the best people to start your career with. How many of us, fresh graduates, will agree is the question. But that is what reports are meant for, aren’t they? And what different work are we, as consultants (this is still a far-fetched euphemism for the labor we are entrusted with), providing to our clients, if not detailed reports on things they already acknowledge and the labyrinthine maze of details that stares in their face if otherwise. To account for the third angle, this place is closer to the office, theoretically.

I got a new job in one of my dreams. In fact, I was offered two jobs, one with QUALCOMM, and the other with ZS Associates. No sooner did I accept the ZS offer than I was shaken awake. Would I leave for zs? This was a moment was realization that my dreams are no longer the pleasure they used to be. What has become of the brain-box that was the source of a Bengali-British romance? Or a Russian, in the worst case? Instead, all I dream is about abandoning one clerical post for another, and even worse. The QUALCOMM thing was just the dream, one of those which you can attribute the “too good to be given a thought to” phrase to. The dwindling memories of the college days bring a cheer or two to the chapped lips. Ah! The days of glory! (I hereby announce the poetic liberty to concoct stories that render exuberance to an otherwise drab personality).

I will come back to the city and its attributes, and not just for the sake of it. Besides, there is a lot more to this city than meets the eye. Now this one is not a hateful ranting, but just another piece of observation and something that co-incidentally turns out to be not-so-pleasant for people who admire this city. This thing is about the fact that no matter how early I leave for home after work, there has not been a single day that I have reached within two hours. It so happens that I do not get a bus that goes to my place within half an hour. And when I do, the traffic here does not allow the vehicle to move. So, I am not at fault if I am left thinking that this whole city contrives against me, and wants me to be out. But I am a gutsy feller and I am still sweating it out here, ain’t I? Another incident that I now remember is a train journey and some help I thought could have done me some good. Never mind the details, but I was hurried into boarding the wrong train by none other than the station master. I was going to get the paperwork done for the new place I am going to be in. And the perfectionist that I am touted to be, I found flaws with the land-lady, the broker and almost everyone else involved with the handing over. (i am back to writing this after a span of 3 weeks or more and I can assure that this was not how it was going to be at the moment of inception).

Ok, so the place is somewhere in a locality called Chunabhatti, just of the eastern express highway. Does it ring familiar bells? Nopes, because the bell tolls for the four horsemen. Yeah, I am done improvising (fooling around).

Now, theoretically, it should take only thirty minutes to get to my workplace. But the place this city is, and Vivek Sharma, the perfectionist, does not want to try and find fault with it, makes it impossible to get back to my so called “home sweet home” after a boring day at work before an hour and a half. Do I give up? Nopes. I am still trying alternate routes, and discovering that travelling through slums, on a theoretically longer path makes your life easier. This is almost equivalent to saying that you want to catch your nose with your fingers, proverbially, and there is this “catch”. There is a plate full of palatable dishes, let’s make it sweets, and your hand cannot avoid them once you set your eyes upon it. Hence, whenever it gets an option of reaching for your nose directly, it first glides through the highly contaminated space to the plate, thrusts the delicacy into the ever small-ing mouth, and then “tries” to locate the sensory organ that was instrumental in causing the delay (can be both the eyes and the nose, and I would chose the nose here). Now, there is always an alternate. Life is a little too generous in a way that it always offers you a choice. You can restrict your hand to catching your nose from behind the neck. Not that the sense organ or your eyes would not get a whiff of the mouthwatering delight, but that since you hand is only as long, the prospect of pampering yourself first would seem a far-fetched idea. Consequently, after a bearable spell of disliking the process, it consummates. You have the tip of your nose in your finger tips and can award any punishment for causing the pain of missing out on your favorites. Need I say more?

Once upon a time Vivek Sharma was a student. Ah! Those days seem so far removed thoughts. Now Vivek Sharma is a salaried employee who cannot afford to miss a single day in office lest he should lose a valuable chunk of his monthly gross. The trouble is not about being regular or having been stuck into a routine life; that was anyway the case back in college. The issue here is that I “cannot” miss here whereas I did not “want” to miss there. Those were the days when I used to be a “potli baba” is you remember one from our childhood. For those who were sophisticated enough to watch Simpsons or any other cartoons for that matter, he had a lot of stories in his “potli”. Now, I fare no better than a grandma who keeps repeating the same stories. But then there is always a better way to repeat a story. I have some of them in my repository as well. How many of you think that as a writer, I need an apprentice? I don’t think; a friend here does. She asked me to employ her as my secretary who would keep giving me ideas on topics to exercise my writing skills on. Not a bad idea at all, if it is a she is it?

I get my bus from a stop named Priyadarshini, right on the Eastern Express Highway, and that is the busiest route in Mumbai, so far as I can tell. Anyone who has to move out of Mumbai to the central suburbs and the harbor line areas, has to go through this route and via Dadar. This causes an understandable amount of suffocation on this route. There are 15 buses to my destination. Only one can avoid this route, remember the catching-your-nose story. So I always have 15 choices. Yesterday, I took a bus which was vacant but with a swarm of people towards the back door. I thought of getting in through the front door, and I did. To my horror, the drover and the conductor, both, blocked my way, asked me to get down and board the bus from the back door and no sooner did I get down than they started the bus. I was aghast at this pompous behavior of those public servants. And they say Mumbai has the best people you find in India. I have yet to come to terms with this. To add to this, the bus dragged on a rather old man while he was trying to get on to it. I was more the more fortunate one to be able to set a foot on the stairs. Later inside, when a few sympathetic travellers raised the case of the poor fellow, the conductor simply shrugged off the responsibility by saying that every day, everyone boards the bus, there is no different treatment to any one, and that the driver was not at fault. There is a proverb saying that the boss is always right. Here, everyone, right from the bus driver and the conductor, let alone the boss, is always right it seems. This land of dreams gives me dreads.

One thing that I realized from my stay here in Mumbai is that overstaying your welcome is not the best of ideas. A fool that I was, I was already a bit late to realize it and even more late to act upon it. As they, if you do not make mistakes, you do not learn. I am a wiser man now.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Vagabond


Yes, I am out on the streets of Mumbai. The other day, after reading my “philippic” on the city, a dear one remarked about the importance of visiting temple of the local goddess Mumba Devi, after whom the city is probably named, and devoting some time in prayers, hoping that would set everything in place. And interestingly, she had an anecdote to drive home her point, which makes me feel all the more averse to this idea, partly because I am a rebel (the bihari-rebel) and partly because I it is a suggestion. Four years in Guwahati and I never once visited the Kamakhya, and here, not even a fortnight and people expect me pay a visit to the local goddess. Yeah, probably that is what sets this city apart.



Now, just to make it official, I have been pushed out of the IIT, and that is the reason why I am on the streets. Suddenly, the Mumba Devi thought crosses my mind and brings out a dry chuckle. I remember how a fellow passenger warned me of my mobile phone sticking out of my pocket, and how that incident added even more venom to the already poisonous words that I am spitting out for this place. On another note, it was a Mumbaikar who was the reason I am writing this in peace. Every place has a Good Samaritan after all. “Jesus will answer your prayers” is written on the wall that faces me. I am losing time or the sense of it, if I may, adding to the irreparable loss I suffered the other day. I still look down at that very place, in a hope that I find my watch. It was more precious to me than his would have been to Jim or Della’s hair would have been to her.


I am still wandering on the streets of Mumbai, just drifting. The last time I talked to my sister, she asked me if I had finalized a play to stay. “Are you still a vagabond?” “Yes, darling.”


Did I talk about my work place? What matters most now is that it does not have an arrangement for sleeping and taking a bath. Fuck! It does not have an arrangement for me to sit down peacefully somewhere, and call it my desk. The other day I overheard someone saying that there isn’t enough room for the already existing employees and to add to their miseries, Deloitte has added 25 new analysts. It is an interesting place though, with people of every shape, size and colour. At the first glance, it strikes me that most of the employees are from Mumbai. And then I realize that this is no small city, and after all, Mumbai is the city of dreams. And if the locals cannot see their dreams fulfilled, need one say about those who migrate into it?


The first day was a mockery. They called us at 8:00 sharp and the first worthwhile person who came into contact with us came in only at 10:00. This is one of the most corporate organizations that I am talking about. And then there is this talk about stuff that one already knows. But still, you have to give them the credit of winding up everything in one day, because normally, I think, the induction takes three days. We left at around 18:00. Oh! Did I mention that some of the unfortunate ones were called to Mumbai for the orientation, which never happened though, and had to leave for Hyderabad immediately after the mock show? The good thing was that the company was paying for their travel and stay in Hyderabad. We, the people in strategy and operations do not have to undergo any specific training. And I found out why, very soon. The secret is that every one, right from the analyst to the senior manager, everyone has the clerical job at hand. We data mine for them, and they put that data in a presentation that takes a month or two to prepare. My first weekend was partly ruined because of this exercise. I left on Friday on 9:30 and spent the better part of Saturday in the office, formatting the text boxes in the presentation. Why me? Because the one who was supposed to be doing this thing left at 16:00 on Friday. The good thing was that I met my friends from Bhagalpur and had a nice dinner. Lunch ka badla dinner . I think it is only the two of us who are serious about the job, my mate from the college and I. The others are doing the right thing by not giving a damn. Yesterday, a manager was furiously searching for a new recruit, who again, had left the office on 16:00. I was smiling.


I am still without a shelter, a roof over my head and it starts raining. It takes me back to the memories of the lost umbrella. The smile vanishes and anguish finds itself imprinted all over my face. Why do I feel that the people of Mumbai have that larger than life image of themselves? All this frenzy and pace and commotion…I don’t think that is necessary. I never thought Mumbai was a place of hypocrites, unlike Delhi, but somehow this feeling is waning. It is surprising to see every single person who can talk in English, does so. I do not have any exception to that, but that it makes me feel a little out of place. And I received the shock of my life in the office, when I overheard another conversation. What I could understand by putting the bits and pieces together was someone-hindi-dehati. Is this what speaking in English is all about? Is this what Mumbai is all about? I think I have yet to discover.


I am strolling towards Andheri when I hear a familiar voice. I look back and it is the Man Friday (actually Thursday or Saturday would have made more sense, because he is the one I met on Saturday and he is the one who again comes to my rescue on Thursday). He offers me some space at his place till I get a roof on my head. I classify this as one of the few instances when a well comes to someone thirsty. Before he could smile, I ask him to pick my stuff and guide me through the Mumbai maze.


I think I am here to stay for another fortnight.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Flirting with my Dreams


Two weeks of romance and I am already fed up. Fuck romance. I will get straight to this one. NO dangling the carrot around this time. Mumbai is the most disgusting city I have ever set a foot in. Not because of the population density, not because of the trains. No. It is the larger than life image of this place that does not seem to fit into what this place actually is. Moreover, my hatred has quite a lot to do with the inopportune things that have happened to me, dare I say, by God's grace. I have not been to Delhi or Bangalore or any other metro, barring Kolkata and come what may, and I do not care if you turn into a fuck-face, but I would prefer the City of Joy to the city that apparently never sleeps.


I hope I was able to create that intensity and it should last through the rest of the reading. I arrived in Mumbai on 16th of this month, with a sweetheart. And yes, it was the City of Joy that was our place of departure. Everything is fine, until the moment I step into the IIT. Guwahati used to be a different place. The first thing that hits you here is the urgency of carrying the college i-card. I did not have one. Mudit Jain, the reason why I am able to write this peacefully (if i am at peace), forgot to give me one. The next questions were "Who is the mess manager and the hall manager?" "I do not know." Mudit interferes, "A student from an IIT should not bother with these details." "Dude, i have been here for the past 35 years, and I know who is a genuine student", says the security personnel. I was about to admit the reason why this conversation was taking place, when he himself suggested to enter from the other side. A relieved yours truly walks out, takes the spare i-card and, like a proud peacock, struts into the IIT flashing the proxy i-card like a US Marshall. Mumbai had presented both its faces.


Then begins the massive hunt. For an accommodation, since the proxy i-card is not possibly going to hold me for long. Fortunately for me, and my readers, they are a bit foolish and I have been a tad lucky. Once my urge for checking my email got the better of me, and I asked the security for the keys to the common room. He asked for the i-card and began asking questions. I kept answering with a poker face. He asked me to fill in the details, which I did not remember, and as a proof of my originality, I scribbled things into the register without caring. I went into the computer room, only to realize that I needed to have a proxy user name and password to access. Fucked. I went back to and before collecting my i-card, I happened to see the register and observed that the stuff I wrote was neatly struck off and the correct details were overwritten. I was numb. He handed me the card and as I was leaving, called me and looked at me, as if memorizing my face. For the next 48 hrs, the only thought that was trying to find a way out of my clogged brain was the possible consequence of the authorities finding out that I was an impersonator. Jail. The second instance was when I was tired, absolutely, and decided to take a rickshaw to the campus, partly because I did not want to go through the regular i-card-flashing routine. The guard stops, demands the card, I give it to him, he replies with the fact that the card has expired, and I say that I am staying for another couple of days. Bingo. And here I am, spewing harted for this city.


Coming back to the massive roof-hunt. I must admit that this place is the most over-priced  in the country, if not the planet. 1 bhk will set you back by twenty five grand per month. This is not reasonable, and I know that my readers (i assume are reasonable) will not differ. Example: I went to see a place in Worli. On the sixth floor, overlooking the sea, but approximately 120 sq ft. Three seats were available for rent, the fourth being the elderly lady. Each tenant had to pay 10k. And the one thing that they kept repeating was, "Humare pass paise ki kami nahi hai, humara beta to US mein petrol pump chalata hai." Fuck US, and fuck the petrol pump. I think I have lost the capacity of narrating these and similar anecdotes, or parables rather.


Shifting gears, it is the loss of a precious watch, given to me by a special one that has goaded me into writing this pointless philippic. The very first day when I boarded a bus, I decided to lodge a complaint with the conductor. What happened was that before I could, and many like me could, set both their feet on the bus, the driver pressed the accelerator. Not that someone was injured, but I would not call it responsible driving. The other person complained and was bullied by the conductor. The pot calling the kettle black. That was ghastly. What happened today was even more sudden. I had just caught hold of the two handle bars, when the bus started to move. There were people still on the stairs and there was no way I could have got onto the bus. I kept running with the bus and only after 7 steps could i set one foot onto the stairs. Fine. People say this is the "fast" and typically Mumbaikar life. The exact same sequence followed when I was leaving for my room. But this time, there was a mob that was behind me, and somwhere in the race to set my foot on the bus first, I lost my watch. I saw it falling onto the ground, and kept watching it, helplessly. I could not have gotten out of the bus, neither could I have got my watch back. Shit happens. This is the Mumbai style. I had heard a lot about the honesty and simplicity of the Marathis and the Mumbaikars. Probably this vanished when someone decided to steal the umbrella from my bag while travelling in the local. I never had such an experience in Bihar, and then there are stories about Biharis.


Agreed, Mumbai is a busy place for small town people like me. Agreed that Mumbai is not the only place with an infrastucture crunch and above all, Mumbai is a place that probably never sleeps. But this does not give the bus drivers the license to get the bus speeding at their whim. The trainman cannot see the 12 coaches, but the bus driver can. And as a public servant, it is required of him to drive responsibly. Secondly, I have travelled in a local train and have the opinion that if the passengers try and alight or board the train, or the bus alike, in a orderly way, it will take approximately the same time compared to when there is such a hullaballoo. At least, you will not risk others' lives by goading them to jump from the moving train and push them out if they do not. There are examples of much bigger cities with similar city scapes and pace, but a more civilized society. But again, Mumbai is not one of them.


Mumbai is the city of dreams, and with this initial impression, I do not think I prefer dreams to JOY.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Cometh the hour, Cometh the woman.


I am on a writing spree, though only virtually. Exactly '0' is the number of drafts that I have left as "to be published". Besides, I have been thoughtless since I don't know how long...probably it was the days of October in the year of 2010 that my creative juices last flowed. But this is not my problem. What vexes me now is that nobody has been getting an opportunity to say a word of praise  regarding my writing skills. The only testimony that might go against this is the latest Humanities exam that I took and managed to score, I must admit, by God's grace, a 10, even after not answering one of the five questions. I decided to dig deeper because the same teacher had plainly declared that the outcome of that indiscretion would reflect in my grades. The only other persons who scored a ten were the only other persons to have witnessed the striptease. I got my answer.

For those whom I forgot to mention the striptease, here goes the description.

I am a buoyant person, for I have gotten a job with Deloitte as a management consultant. I am a joyous person, for I have gotten another offer from Samsung. I am an ecstatic person, for I have scored more than I could have ever imagined. But I am a little nervous, for I have been allotted the course on literature, and the professor designated to take the same is none other than the one whom I had publicly bashed for the inappropriate course structure and her ineptitude to take the course, previously. The first day passed off without any sparks. The professor did not come to take the class.

Six classes and the similar outcome. But, cometh the hour, cometh the woman. She was there on the seventh day, in a nicely fitting dress.  The class began with an ugly smile, as is her wont. After sometime of fawning at her adopted son, the class was declared open. When I say open, it means she started speaking, and spitting, simultaneously, and so vigorously, that it was difficult for a pacific man like me to understand if her purpose was to spit of to speak.  Anyhow, the session continues and the endless mocking sessions involving the three of us, and that were to continue throughout the semester, commenced. After some moments of reckless  talking, she declared the class closed, citing the lack of attendance. Fine.

What was to ensue predicates the cruelty of the providence. During the course of the lecture, the laces in her pyjamas apparently slithered away form each other, unwinding in the process, and the innocent, hapless nymph that she was, could not notice that ill-construed escapade of those barbarous laces. As she pushed the door, the unintentional force that she had applied, apparently got transferred to her pyjamas and they fell. 

They Fell. Without a thud. She could not notice. She kept on walking. They replaced her socks. She noticed. Her hands felt just like two balloons (that means Comfortably Numb as Pink Floyd would it). She had dropped her belongings, including the pyjamas. We laughed. We made an about-turn. We kept laughing. She was staring, blankly. The other classes ended. A flood of students suddenly appeared. She was drowned in that human sea. Some noticed and kept staring. Other pretended to look away. One man felt morally corrupt. He ran up to her. Gathered her belongings. She felt a shock. Came back to this world. Realized her state. Gathered herself and her pyjamas. Took the possession of her stuff. Walked away. The lace still untied. The pyjama still at the mercy of those whimsical hands that had tied them in the morning, probably, and refused to now.

Here, the episode does not end. In the next class, only I was present, besides some new faces. She came and the first thing she "spat" was that she had a terrible accident the other day. The newer faces were flummoxed. I was caught in a fix. I could not laugh. She was staring at me, while she repeated the accident thing thrice over. I could not decide whether to agree or to disagree. Agreeing would have implied that I knew what had happened and saw her in her state of "bliss", and was so morally corrupt that I laughed and walked away instead of helping her. Disagreeing would have meant that I was denying what I had seen, since I her stare the other day had definitely caught me laughing. I avoided her gaze.

Now, coming back to the writing spree, I answered every question in the aforementioned exam in more than 1500 words, some of them in 2000, and by this virtue missed my last answer. How paradoxical for a man on a writing spree to miss an opportunity of writing! Taking cue from my comrade-in-crime, started the answer and left the first sentence incomplete, ending with three consecutive dots.

I was on a writing spree.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Sonnet VII


And ere I put my thought to words,
And put to light the days obscure,
 I pray to thee, O Muses, pure
At heart, to free like flying birds,
My spirit. Guide me through the maze
Of verse, in prose I find it sour
To sum up seasons eighty four.
And ere I think of myriad ways
Of form, of theme, of character,
To intertwine with grace my wit,

A storm brews up. I'm caught betwixt
Those williams four, Milton's splendor
And Chaucer's pace. With troubled mind,
I set to write and truth to find.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sonnet VI: Dirge for the Author


 Confessor in me, with the breaking dawn
Agreed solemnly, it was days of yore
When last it screamed of the days that were gone
By, inditing works on grudges galore.

Pat I put the pen on paper,
Proudly penning the prose on pulp,
Picking pretty piquant pieces,
Painting prickly pictures profuse.

But each word failed and crashed each verse
And reeked of rot, of boredom stank
Twice it was I tried to rehearse
And twice I choked, and twice was blank.

When I realized of the void in my store,
“Fuck you!” I said, “I’m not going to write anymore.”

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Love and the Bull's Eye.



Who would have thought of proposing to a girl-friend in the red light of an electronic mosquito repellent? My dear friend did. Who would have thought of a blind night to be romantic? My dear friend, again. The other day I was talking to his girl-friend, and she was making insanely stupid jokes about him. Who would have thought that her boy-friend was a douche-bag? She did. And who would have gone on writing untrue stuff about people who are not, relationships that have not yet begun? I would, and I am, in fact writing about one. Both of them are supposed to hail from my home town, and study in the southern part of the country. Now begins the story.

He has had the habit of falling in love with every other girl that happens to talk to him. I have tried to explain to him that such things only result in frustrating phone calls. No avail. But this chick happens to have caught his fantasy for good. He has stopped talking about any other girl. He has stopped falling in love. They say, a woman only desires to be a man's last romance and I think this chick has arguably achieved that, even though there is a difference between love and romance. He once said to me that while he is a lion when dealing with others, he can perform no better than chicken shit while talking to her. I told him this might have something to do with the relative sizes. He declines and I have not seen her. He has been talking a lot since the day he went to meet her. Talking to her and then talking to me. Dude, you have issues, and serious ones.

She...I don't know much about (even though she is supposed to be my creation). I have been talking to her just for the sake of it. He asked me to send her an invite on a social networking website, and I did. Then on, she has constantly wasted her telephone bills, talking to me, and has eaten up a sizable chunk of my pocket money. I don't call him, as I prefer talking to her. Girls have always been the perfect bait. Yeah, she asked me to write about this stuff, her love story, which I know not much about, and the Bull's eye. Through all these chats that we have had, one thing I know for sure is that she likes him. She likes me as well, and that is not new for me. Everyone does. So I am not able to say whether I will be writing about Him and Her, or about Her and I.

First, there are some strange things about their romance that I should not refrain from mentioning here. Second, there are stranger things I have told the either, that I think I should not skip. Now, they have been seeing each other "virtually" since I don't know how many years. I don't even remember when was it that He first told me about Her. Perhaps sometime in the October of 2008. I often had verbal duels with her then, and He was always unsupportive of that. Without expressly stating is dislike for my statements, He always showed a bend towards hers. And then in the fall of 2009, crash and bang. He says "his heart is no longer his". Crap! Dude make these obtuse statements to your "sweetheart princess", and not me. December, and he makes a visit to her place. February it is that they realize that something needs to be fixed. And for some mysterious reasons, they still refrain from direct communication. I am the unfortunate catalyst, who sacrifices himself. Not for any gain, for loss...of both of the girl and himself. The catalyst properties only hasten the process.

She came to my terms sometime in the spring of 2009. She realized the true potential that I had, as a prospective partner in her romance. I called her first in the month of April. He did not like it, and then reminded me of Shakespeare and April and Shakespeare and human ingratitude. In the summer of the same year, he starts writing a blog. He writes about her, and passes on to me. I disapprove. He goes on to write about her again sometime in the future. They start talking to each other. She tells me about His lion and chicken shit talk and  I have to act as if I don't know. I am good at that (acting, I mean). By the fall of the year, both realize that they like each other and there is an increasing volume of content about this in the chats that I have with them. Like a true friend, I had to undergo this pitiful passage of time. December, he sees her after a long time. He becomes nostalgic and for me, it is time again to...you understand.

He always acts as if to prove that he is a chicken shit, and she always acts as if to justify that he actually is the chicken shit. He  thinks that the red light of the mosquito repellent in a blind night is the most romantic thing in the world, laughs at her lamest jokes, approves of the wildest things that she has to say, agrees to every statement she makes, irrespective of whether it is a sarcasm directed towards Him, refuses to see that she is making merry while spanking his arse, and thinks that with every word of hers, she hits the Bull's eye. She is "too good" for his wits I guess. She, for her part, thinks that he is the most dumb-ass lover she can get, and is still more than happy to court him, makes fun of his statements, dreams of "mosquito-repellent-red-light dinners", throws direct hints about her fondness for him, which he, on his part, fails to pick, smuggles stuff she is not supposed to read from me, and pretends she has not read it, and enjoys every joke that I make about their liaison. He openly declares her love for her on his blog, and when I mention about the same, he fumes. She openly declares her love for him and is displeased that he does not reciprocate. I write obvious remarks which she agrees with. He is afraid of commitment and she thinks of the famous Mughl-e-Azam song.

What I do is laugh, at what I have written about: them, their love story, at the red light, the douche-bag, chicken shit boyfriend, the Bull's eye and that fact that obvious is always obvious.

The Bull is not a wall and the eye is not just another brick in that wall, Mr. A. So don't you think that Miss A can hit the Bull's eye with every statement of hers. And even if she does, then indeed one does not need to be "too good" to do that.



Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Few Stat(e)s.



And before I could realize anything, I see myself tearing my hair. The distress cannot get worse. I wrote something on my Facebook wall, the other day. In a bid to justify that he was not one of the league, he just forgot what he was commenting on. I had written about Facebook status and the smart Alec. And what he commented, had me in convulsions. Some people never change. For some, a change in what one is, is, it seems, simply equivalent to a change in what one tries to project oneself as. For some, this magnitude becomes so huge that they almost instantaneously become oblivious of the fact that they are the integral elements of the mix. Everyone forgets. I forgot, the other day.

It so happens, that in search of a childhood sweetheart, I join this social networking website. I had refrained from creating an account for the same reasons, all these years, for the reason that I would have to see un-intelligent updates of some really "aware" and some other "witty" "facepeople". Come on, what crap! You have your issues, sort them out yourself. The world did not create social networking for people to start preaching stuff about, say "LOVE" or perhaps the "formulae for success". Neither was the wall created for some "nostalgic" friend to write some insanely stupid remark about memories we are "supposed" to share and time we spent together. If you have some song that you like, you can simply, and very lucidly, state that you like this song, instead of, after an intense period of brainstorming, "intelligently" selecting the "catchiest" line in the whole song, as the status. And just because you are yourself bored with the kind of networking when there is no one to instigate any kind of activity from your side, so that, when people inquire of the thing, you make yourself look like a fool revealing the truth. By the way, you won't get any smarter by "cut, copy pasting" some old adage. Neither does writing everything in the "trendy, hip" shortened form, nor does writing "fuck" or any other distorted form of it make you any more interesting, or say, slapstick than you actually are. Oh! And the guitar with that pose in which you hold it, try at least faking some chord, otherwise it is plain enough for even an arse to make out that you are making a fool of yourself. So just piss off.

I shall write the entire thing. I wrote about the status and the smart Alec. I wrote it immediately after he smartly posted something. He gives another smart reply. Wait, I can just "copy, paste" the stuff. It is there at the bottom of this post, all credits to my inability to put it at the place it should have been. 

One of my friends just deleted his account, to prevent himself from the curse of this, and the even "smarter" things happening. I was smart there too; in that conversation did you see that? Anyway, I am out of this now. I am, now, too tired to even want to write anything. But, one thing I want to write about is the audacity I showed the other day. We were waiting at the bus-stop. The bus had already left 3 minutes before its scheduled time. We unfortunately, were once again the hapless participants in this divine act of uber-punctuality. Anyhow, after waiting for, like 30 minutes, and waiting till 5 minutes after the scheduled time, all the while getting grumpy about the drivers, we see the bus. In an instinctive surge of emotions, I point towards my wrist, looking at the driver, fully aware of the fact that he is reciprocating my glance. He passes a dry chuckle. I freeze, then and there. That was that.

Another thing I want to write about, or may be put forth as a question, is the number of hours that one cannot speak anything, not think of anything, and all the while, not do anything. I did that for almost 12 hrs the other day and then again 3 hrs recently. Digression. My supervisor made a joke about Bihar and not flying over its airspace, and I reciprocated it with childhood picnics and rabindra sangeet. Even Steven. I was supposed to get my payment today, and I apparently got 300 euro less. The "taai" (read the secretary) did her bit to make sure that I got my travel reimbursements. For the last three days, not one of the three of us is doing anything constructive for the project. We have stopped thinking about the stuff that we had arrived here with the intention of working on from day one. The group is on the verge of knowing the fact that I have done nothing and know nothing about computer.

We went to Belgium the other weekend. I did not get time to talk of my travels. That was the most enjoyable trip. Correction. That could have been the most enjoyable trip. First, we miss the early morning train. Next, we reach Brussels at noon. We leave the most bustling city that I had seen in Europe within three hours, for some douche-bag, who was coming with the intention of roaming around in Belgium and The Netherlands at 2pm, in Brussels. The douche-bag does not arrive. I upgrade him. You can always ask about the new rank that I assigned to him. We reach Bruges. Wonderful city. We roam around. Go to a park to catch up with some embarrassing Indian cultural stuff. Then there is this immensely effective psychedelic stuff, followed by Dum Maro Dum on the trumpets. I feel elated. We leave Belgium without visiting the Atomium, and many other places that we knew existed but did not care to bother about. We roam around in the station. We watch a boring football match, and howl in the train, sitting on the floor. We reach Amsterdam at 1in the morning. The Sri-Lankan...ok, what happens in Amsterdam, stays in Amsterdam. We meet the douche bag in the district, gazing at the canals. We sleep on the streets, and have a hard time finding the I AMSTERDAM. The douche bag has to leave and that has basically screwed up our schedule. We leave Amsterdam at 10 am. Reach at our place and sleep.

The next weekend, we had to go to Paris. The people in the lab made dirty jokes about that. We did not get reservations. We somehow reach Paris at noon. We see the Notre Dame, the Louvre, the Concord, the Sacre Coeur, the Moulin Rouge, the play-off for the third place, the Eiffel, the five ugly girls of our institute with another douche-bag and a sardar. We sleep and wake up at 10:30 in the morning. Take the train to Amsterdam and reach "I AMSTERDAM", this time quite easily, to cheer for the Oranje. We are stuffed amongst the white and the black, the dopers and the smokers and other ugly people. We leave the match to reach back home, Oranje lose, we find our way through rivers of urine, reach our place at 3:30 in the morning, give a presentation for, where I keep talking for 1 hour, when I was supposed to talk for 10 mins, work and then sleep. Did I tell, that was the Friday when I wrote about the Lepidus.

The supervisor realizes that nothing is going to come out of this project. We work on a Sunday. I mean, they work and chat. No results. We are invited to the dinner at our supervisor's. Nice food they served. We are next invited to a friend's (Bram's) place, remember the fat clown I mentioned in one of the posts? We are supposed to be the hosts, and prepare the dinner for what became 9 people, when it was supposed to be 4. I play the guitar after three months, and it feels nice to see my hands still flowing on the piece of wood and strings. Oh! Saturday, we the people of Maanstraat 73, (my place) went for a barbecue, where we did not barbecue anything, swam in the lake, fooled around, and came back. But it was a nice evening. Bram's was nicer. Today, we decided to cook with the Nepalese, for the flat mates. We, oh! Please read they, cooked kheer, chawal, daal, aaloo and roti (readymade), and we had some beer as well. Nice evening again.

I have been sleeping on the couch for, I don't know how long. It is time for me to sleep. Till the next post, haven fun. Cheers to this "socially networked" "facelife".

What Crap!





Vivek Sharma Status and smart alecs.

Sunday at 13:06 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
i feel most f da facepeople here have masters in dis trade!!or i dunno y dey try to show dat dey are born wid a superior gene?a big question comes to min "why?"
Sunday at 14:51 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
like you said, you need balls to figure that out, if you get what i mean ;)
Sunday at 14:55 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
i guess u just need more dan balls to find da effing thought process:)
Sunday at 15:02 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
then i guess you won't ever be able to find your "EFFING" thoughts...once again, if i am not cryptic ;)
Sunday at 15:04 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
depends may b diamond fr sm1 or just a stone fr da layman!!!!!! hope u also get da secre behind so cald"effing" thoughts...no pun intended....
Sunday at 15:09 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
pardon me my wits, but if i got that, it would not be fitting to call it a secret. would you mind explaining the diamonds and the stones ???
Sunday at 15:14 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
i dont think i run a chapel to burn sm1 else thot process... again secret is only till itz understood by sm1..den itz upto u.. after dat da consequences depends on da particular!!! n az far az diff. between diamond n stone iz concernd..!!itz relly hard to b a diamond in dis rhinestone world..being smart smtimes seems daffy..no doubt it still seems attractive:)
Sunday at 15:22 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
‎1) i never said that
2) convolution
3) :D
Sunday at 15:28 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
i guess convulSION wd b wat u want to say...my motive waz never 2 correct ur spelling mistake fr nw... bt just feel da metaphor:))... thn may b wd b my fault interpreting u n bt evn dere's a chance that u have a facade thot...no offence;)))
Sunday at 16:34 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
‎1) i wrote what i wanted to
2) even then, the situation you put me in satisfies what you suggested
3) convulsion (laughter)
4) i have difficulty in making out shortened expressions
5) what's is a facade thought (is it thought?)
Sunday at 16:41 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
‎5) depends!!!!can evn b an oxymoron.... 4)sure 3)sure 2)thanx 4)da world iz urs.....write it or rub it;)
Sunday at 17:54 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
‎4) you start sharing the world once you start communicating with someone. So the world is not JUST YOURS. Cleaning up the mess is always good though.


where are you nowadays?
Sunday at 20:25 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
‎5)yupa agree..but i guess dere are certain limits...n evn smart moves never say "show da ace"..bcz if itz done people gonna dig ur a $#... nywaz... well fr nw at bhagalpur.. n m pursuing ma grad. in techie at bbsr!!!..wat abt u?
Monday at 05:41 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
guwahati....4th year engg.
Monday at 12:07 ·  · 
Ambuj Singh
Ambuj Singh
great...well saw netherlands written over dere?up fr internship or is it some exchange programme or smthing?
Monday at 13:26 ·  · 
Vivek Sharma
Vivek Sharma
internship.
Monday at 16:21 ·  ·