Who would have thought of proposing to a girl-friend in the red light of an electronic mosquito repellent? My dear friend did. Who would have thought of a blind night to be romantic? My dear friend, again. The other day I was talking to his girl-friend, and she was making insanely stupid jokes about him. Who would have thought that her boy-friend was a douche-bag? She did. And who would have gone on writing untrue stuff about people who are not, relationships that have not yet begun? I would, and I am, in fact writing about one. Both of them are supposed to hail from my home town, and study in the southern part of the country. Now begins the story.
He has had the habit of falling in love with every other girl that happens to talk to him. I have tried to explain to him that such things only result in frustrating phone calls. No avail. But this chick happens to have caught his fantasy for good. He has stopped talking about any other girl. He has stopped falling in love. They say, a woman only desires to be a man's last romance and I think this chick has arguably achieved that, even though there is a difference between love and romance. He once said to me that while he is a lion when dealing with others, he can perform no better than chicken shit while talking to her. I told him this might have something to do with the relative sizes. He declines and I have not seen her. He has been talking a lot since the day he went to meet her. Talking to her and then talking to me. Dude, you have issues, and serious ones.
She...I don't know much about (even though she is supposed to be my creation). I have been talking to her just for the sake of it. He asked me to send her an invite on a social networking website, and I did. Then on, she has constantly wasted her telephone bills, talking to me, and has eaten up a sizable chunk of my pocket money. I don't call him, as I prefer talking to her. Girls have always been the perfect bait. Yeah, she asked me to write about this stuff, her love story, which I know not much about, and the Bull's eye. Through all these chats that we have had, one thing I know for sure is that she likes him. She likes me as well, and that is not new for me. Everyone does. So I am not able to say whether I will be writing about Him and Her, or about Her and I.
First, there are some strange things about their romance that I should not refrain from mentioning here. Second, there are stranger things I have told the either, that I think I should not skip. Now, they have been seeing each other "virtually" since I don't know how many years. I don't even remember when was it that He first told me about Her. Perhaps sometime in the October of 2008. I often had verbal duels with her then, and He was always unsupportive of that. Without expressly stating is dislike for my statements, He always showed a bend towards hers. And then in the fall of 2009, crash and bang. He says "his heart is no longer his". Crap! Dude make these obtuse statements to your "sweetheart princess", and not me. December, and he makes a visit to her place. February it is that they realize that something needs to be fixed. And for some mysterious reasons, they still refrain from direct communication. I am the unfortunate catalyst, who sacrifices himself. Not for any gain, for loss...of both of the girl and himself. The catalyst properties only hasten the process.
She came to my terms sometime in the spring of 2009. She realized the true potential that I had, as a prospective partner in her romance. I called her first in the month of April. He did not like it, and then reminded me of Shakespeare and April and Shakespeare and human ingratitude. In the summer of the same year, he starts writing a blog. He writes about her, and passes on to me. I disapprove. He goes on to write about her again sometime in the future. They start talking to each other. She tells me about His lion and chicken shit talk and I have to act as if I don't know. I am good at that (acting, I mean). By the fall of the year, both realize that they like each other and there is an increasing volume of content about this in the chats that I have with them. Like a true friend, I had to undergo this pitiful passage of time. December, he sees her after a long time. He becomes nostalgic and for me, it is time again to...you understand.
He always acts as if to prove that he is a chicken shit, and she always acts as if to justify that he actually is the chicken shit. He thinks that the red light of the mosquito repellent in a blind night is the most romantic thing in the world, laughs at her lamest jokes, approves of the wildest things that she has to say, agrees to every statement she makes, irrespective of whether it is a sarcasm directed towards Him, refuses to see that she is making merry while spanking his arse, and thinks that with every word of hers, she hits the Bull's eye. She is "too good" for his wits I guess. She, for her part, thinks that he is the most dumb-ass lover she can get, and is still more than happy to court him, makes fun of his statements, dreams of "mosquito-repellent-red-light dinners", throws direct hints about her fondness for him, which he, on his part, fails to pick, smuggles stuff she is not supposed to read from me, and pretends she has not read it, and enjoys every joke that I make about their liaison. He openly declares her love for her on his blog, and when I mention about the same, he fumes. She openly declares her love for him and is displeased that he does not reciprocate. I write obvious remarks which she agrees with. He is afraid of commitment and she thinks of the famous Mughl-e-Azam song.
What I do is laugh, at what I have written about: them, their love story, at the red light, the douche-bag, chicken shit boyfriend, the Bull's eye and that fact that obvious is always obvious.
The Bull is not a wall and the eye is not just another brick in that wall, Mr. A. So don't you think that Miss A can hit the Bull's eye with every statement of hers. And even if she does, then indeed one does not need to be "too good" to do that.
