What does it matter: My thoughts

It’s very hot and I do not want to open the windows, just for the sake of a sound and healthy sleep. If I open the windows, I will let the mosquitoes in. They will bite, disturb my sleep and I will have to wake up in the middle of the night looking for my mosquito net. Ouch…bites one…real sharp and painful. The sting persists. Sting Or sling?? What is it? I know what’s a sting, but sling? What’s that? I get up and look for a dictionary. But I don’t have one in the first place. Does not matter, my neighbor has one, I can borrow as of now…but would have been nicer if I had my own dictionary. It would have been a luxury. Nicer would it have been, had I a computer of my own. No flips, just clicks and all was fun. But I don’t have one. I am sad and disappointed. Every now and then I have to run to someone else’s room to get an access to the computer and the internet. Huh…"LES MISERABLES".

Nice movie though. I remember a song…"I dreamed a dream"…I had heard it on the YouTube on some “Britain’s got talent” show. That fatso, Susan Boyle sang it so nicely. I remember her face, chubby and cherubic. Yeah. I saw the video once, let me see it again. But darn, I don’t have a computer at my disposal. Oh how cruel the world is and how miserable my life is! Hey did I use darn? What’s that? Oh yeah, Krishna Barua said this during the English class, “My Fair Lady” was the play. I have the movie version of the same and boy, wasn't Audrey Hepburn awesome. The movie was good altogether, but musical. I saw the names of a few musicals the other day. "Edwards Scissorhands” and some “barber of some street” I don’t exactly recollect the name. Both featured that Jack Sparrow.

Wait, where are my thoughts flying to? I must go back and look up for the meanings of sling and darn. I need to get a dictionary for myself. And a computer of course!

VANITY

The vanity of human wishes, and the vanity of their fulfillments, results only in a leaden confluence, silty and shallow. The ever convalescent sense and the ever recuperating mirth are both, senile enough to choose the same eternal cemetery for their haven, all the while trying to distance themselves from their brooding whereabouts. Revolt only leads to a promenade, the cobbles of which are murdered aspirations and the promenade on which ends up in trampling the dying ones. But stoicism does not guarantee anything, while mutiny ends up in anomie.

If all are thinking, then all are thinking. But their camouflage of thoughts is accurate enough to an extent where surroundings take over the demesne of identity. The individual identity always has to accede to the notions of the larger framework. Everyone thinks, but at the same time no one ponders. Everyone think, but he thought is always conditioned. This choked individualism is the silt and the banality of the same is the shoal. If all are wishing, then all are. But the prodigality and rationality of the wishes need to be based upon the individualistic thoughts, and there comes the need to shun this camouflage. Hibernation is always over an extended period of time and arises out of the need to survive. But camouflaging is different from hibernation, and the surroundings are not the pole star. Change seasons, and your masquerade becomes your nemesis. The milieu changes, but perfection requires precision. Water needs all hundred degrees to turn to steam. And its often the hundredth degree which is latent and the requires the longest wait.

What Does It Matter: MY DREAMS

I am sure I would not have wanted to write this. And I am surer, I would not have wanted anyone to know "How I broke a heart". But the everlasting exemplars which are embedded in my memory do not seem to be in fixity. And before they get eroded by the beatings of time (cliches are expected to be pardoned), I wish to write everything at which I feel like stopping a moment or so, while giving a thought to. Behaviors, thoughts, opinions, feelings...everything. Another aspect which reflects my personality, and which is certain to be reflected as I write, is the wayward drift of thoughts. I have seldom completed anything as I thought to, before beginning to write.

I do not dream while sleeping. But when I do, I seldom have bad dreams (the ones I wish I had not dreamed). And I do not want to dream the undesired. I dream I am in love. I dream I like someone, who's been closely associated with me. I dream of some unknown face and wish I could see it alive. I dream of people chanting my name and praises for me, surrounding me. I dream about ghosts, not ugly though, and my frightened states. Sometimes, I dream that I am running after a train, obviously the one to board, and then I want to keep running. The whistle has been long blown, and I am well short of my ground...the anxiety...I love to dream on. (Often, even though I wake up, I refuse to end my dream, and keep sleeping, in a faint hope to dream of catching the train). I dream of the vast ocean; I dream of...of a happy conversation; I dream of an angry hag and an ugly classmate I was afraid of. I dream I am one of the members of Lamb Of God. I dream of a....whatever!

I am not sure if I actually have dreams of the aforementioned. But I am positive that I want to dream of these things. I want to dream of ideas that leave me craving for more. I want to dream of dreams. I want to dream, like every other fellow, of a healthy GPA (I had only 1 dream regarding academics, a good one, and it somehow was pretty accurate). I want to dream of people saying good things about me. I want to dream of the future. I want to dream of the girl I met on the train. I want to dream of the girl whom I had a chat with, the other day. I want dream of myself, fallen in love. I want to dream of my charming romance. I want to dream to see the chase successful. I want to dream of my music band. I want to dream of a better hairstyle. I want to dream of a fairer complexion. I want to dream that I am not just a jack, but an ace. I want to...

(STOP IT NOW. ENOUGH)
(YOU MIGHT HAVE STARTED THINKING...)
(OTHERS MIGHT AS WELL HAVE ALREADY ABANDONED THE BLOG)
:(
 
One more thing, and very curious and very strange but very embarrassing. In most of my dreams (I dare say 90%), I dream of girls. My mother, my sisters, my girlfriend, the girl I knew sometime, my sociology teacher, and often, the few unseen faces. And the good thing is that all these are "HAPPY DREAMS". (I am embarrassed but there is a grin and a broad one, on my face.) And my family is one of the notions I very, very seldom dream of, which makes it all the more embarrassing. I do not see the ones who I take for granted. But I try hard to keep thinking of the things I wish to see fulfilled, even though through MY DREAMS.

But in the end does it even matter?