Friends and Strangers

So this one was a draft for quite some time, and so, perhaps, stinks stale. 

Until recently, I did not know that friendship came with a best before tag - a tenure, best defined by what frame of mind one is in; a friend for every mood, if I may. Now, whenever I am sad, I have a particular person (read friend?) to go, talk to; whenever I am happy, I have another person or set of persons who I call up. A great way to organize you contacts, isn't it, instead of the usual Friends-Acquaintances-Colleagues-Bullshit-Who Cares-Stranger segregation, except that barring the first category, all would still hold good. My bad. And of course no, I have not had a brush with a bad friend. Just a few instances when I have been at the receiving of the tantrums these friends throw, and no prize for guessing. Friendship day and the social networks littered with friendship dumps goad me into thinking all this pointless stuff. But that is exactly why I would write a blog.

I was loitering around in the office corridor, unconcerned with whether or not I have a companion when someone calls from behind. I look back; force a smile and wave at that person. “So, Sharmaji, what’s up?” was the question, with an ugly smile and a bad breath, almost suffocating me to death.

“Dude, step back can you please, and God! Are you some scavenger, with that awful stink of yours.”

Now this is one question you cannot possibly escape in the office atmosphere. And perhaps this is one question I can give multiple answers to. “Whatever concerns you?” with a smug, condescending look or “I am good” with a pleasantry exchange or “What left to be up dude, Deloitte downs everything, from our spirits to our career graphs” with a dry grin. The noticeable part is that neither party is remotely interested in this conversation. I once remember a manager asking me, in the same vein, “Hey, hi, how are you?” and I was taken aback. The previous day we had a workshop by the same man-age-r, and I think I said a few noteworthy things as a contribution; yeah, whatever. So, the next day when I saw him, I just threw a cursory glance, a customary smile and got back a question in reply. I was actually taken aback, and for a moment, kept looking at him, all the time, continuing on my way, and then, with a quizzing look, turned away. He still had that transgender smile on his face, expectant. And not long after, I learnt that people feel it is difficult entering into a conversation with Sharmaji.

I am not sure how I got this name, yeah, but it was definitely my office friends. I think they deserve at least one mention in my blog. So, we are five analysts who joined in the Strategy & Operations group in Deloitte. One among them, born and brought up in Mumbai, is from my college and we did not quite know each other until we came here. He thinks he is cynical, pragmatic and understands music. I would quite agree with the last one, before adding that I think he is quite earnest, at least when he attempts to start a conversation, in trying to ensure that the other party to the conversation feels wretched and miserable for being a part of this world. But he is a good chap. The other guy has quite the flair for gossip. Now there are things perhaps the EA to the partner would not know, and you would be ears-full of what is going to happen in the firm and who joins and who leaves and who has what background. One of those who boast a claim, with pride, of being a rascal. Methinks…well, there always is fire for a smoke. The third one is perhaps the most networked analyst in the firm, and perhaps the one who feels the need to stress upon the “friendship” thing every now and then. ‘Course, you have to talk to be networked, right. I have not had much of an interaction with the fourth one of us to write about, except that he goes out for lunch with a different chick every day, has a real passion for chatting and enjoys office parties (read sharaab and shabaab), however few they are, more than the others, I guess. Anyway, this was about the office atmosphere.

I think I have been fortunate enough that people still hang around me, in the office or otherwise, despite my crass, unapologetic and rather indifferent attitude. I somehow have cultivated this feeling that maybe I do not need anyone, maybe I already all by myself and all those sorts of ideas. I even try to be an iconoclast, questioning the very idea of friendship and companionship, demanding a checklist for a qualification and all that heretical randomness. So one day this person asked me if I deliberately chose to be a rebel, trying to create an image for myself to gain some distinction or was it the natural me, and you would have guessed by now my response. Looking back upon it, “Whatever it is, should not concern you, right, because it has nothing to do with you” is perhaps not the kind of response I would have appreciated were I as the receiving end, when I am generally a skeptic. I call people varieties of names, with or without any reason, form premature opinions about people. Sometimes, I question myself about this disdainful behavior and then brush it aside with “This is what it is” trash. I have been criticized by my friends for calling a spade a spade, but again, sometimes it has meant humor and more often, it has been matter-of-factly. I think I can cite one interesting incident here. Someone once asked me who would I call a friend, and rebuking, I said we are not children to call someone a friend and leave the others out; that everyone we know now becomes a friend, everyone we have talked to, even once, is now a friend.

That was meant to be a mean reply to a stupid question. But upon retrospection, I feel somewhere that I might just have spoken something of great consequence. Not everyone is a friend, not everyone you like to talk to might want to be friends with you. Again, I am straddling the fence of “friendship” here, but let’s leave that for later. I have a great friend who I talk to only when we meet; I would not share a great camaraderie with someone, but still have a lot to talk about with that someone. I have, myself, taken one time contacts too seriously for friends, only to realize the contrary. More often, I remain all too consumed in myself and have found myself wanting in making efforts to make new friends, and often trying to wriggle away from any eye contact with most people I know. And sometimes, I have to prepare myself for an animated conversation. Lately, I have been thinking about escaping into some world where I live all alone.

And still, I have so many people around me, providing me with hope, asking me to hang around for the better, lending ears to whatever I might have to say and patiently filtering out the trash, people who have exulted with me and sulked with me. So I think it is high time I cherish my friendship with people, gems of individuals, who have stood by me in times of joys and distress, in passages of needs and celebrations, through successes and misfortunes, in egoistic overtones and in careless mirth, in mischievous winks and gargantuan anxieties. I have been blessed to have people I can count on, and in great numbers; people who I can call friends.